Last time I talked a little more about timelines and how we can use them to our advantage when we want to slow down, relax and be more in the moment.
Now everyone can use this nifty concept.
In this episode, I’d like to explore what we fight the hardest to keep.
Come hell or high water! To keep us safe.
It’s who we think we are and how we fit into the world around us.
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When we connect with others it goes something like this…
Hi, my name is…
I’m such and such years old.
Does it have a scent?
We can also say things like…
I’m an introvert.
I have blue eyes, blonde hair…
Next week, I’ll have brown hair.
I’m so and so tall.
I like … don’t like this.
I love that.
I hate these.
We also can say…
I’m a… mother, father, daughter, son, sister, brother, cousin, friend,
I’m also a… CEO, hairdresser, doctor, unemployed, a sportsperson and I’m very good at it.
Our mind’s prime directive is to keep us safe and sometimes that means sabotaging us when we want change in our lives. If it doesn’t feel safe in unfamiliar territory our unconscious mind will want to go back to old familiar ways, whether those ways serve us or not.
Some people come into my clinic with various physical complaints which have been tied up with their emotional states and a change of identity.
Backaches, headaches, anxiety,
aching feet, knees, hips, the list goes on.
We’re all designed to keep us stuck and exactly where we are.
People going through relationship changes such as divorce, marriage, a new baby, being a carer, and deaths in the family.
Workplace changes such as role changes, brand new job, retirement, retrenchment, workplace bullying.
Body changes such as digestion, birth pre and postnatal, aging, weight management, and other health issues, pre and post-surgery, accidents, and injuries.
And many other scenarios which threaten our identity because these changes take us into uncharted waters and when it comes to the crunch, we’ll make excuses to keep ourselves safe. And we’ll use the word because to make sure we are always right and it’s out of our control.
Some will say out loud in their heads,
I can’t because…
I won’t because…
I’m a looser because…
I’m fed up because…
I’m too fat.
I’m too angry.
I’m too sad, upset.
I’m too thin.
I’m too sick.
I’ll get back to you.
I’ll let you know next week.
Every time we use the word I or I’m it’s related to our identity.
In my business I often hear, I’m just like my mom, dad, my sister… Oh and then there was great aunt whats it as well!
So how does change in identity translate into real life?
A few weeks ago I called into one of the wardrooms where a lady was sitting on her bed.
She accepted a massage from me and we chatted about her family and her medical condition and how much life had changed for her. She enjoyed the chat and of course the massage!
A little while later one of the nurses came up to me to let me know that the patient was crying.
I went back into her room and asked if she wanted to talk,which she gladly agreed to.
You see, I think crying is such a good release for us all. And sometimes it happens when we allow ourselves to reconnect with our bodies. It enables us to to connect with what is happening in the now.
Instead of being brave all the time and pushing things down.
When our unconscious mind allows things to bubble up, it knows it’s safe to do so.
This lady was grappling with so many changes in her life. She was unable to do a lot of things she used to do so easily and which she loved so much.
Her treatment was affecting how she was being.
She was missing her sports, her friends and being very active and she was feeling all her aches and pains in a body that had been very fit.
She admitted she felt old and useless and she felt trapped.
And she didn’t want to be seen as a victim , so she always put on the brave face, including makeup when she was around her family and friends to protect them and to stop others looking at her differently.
She just wanted to be normal again.
And it was exhausting her!
So it was when she was alone, with time to catch up with herself that the tears appeared. She had the opportunity to grieve for what was lost.
It makes room for something new, for looking after self and finding out things about ourselves we weren’t even aware of.
She was now coming to terms with what was really happening in her life and it was very uncomfortable!
We talked for quite a while and she felt much more relaxed after her tears.
I said to her that tears are a great sign that a lot of her worries were coming to the surface and her fears could be now be addressed in a way she could make informed decisions about how she was going to BE from now on, who she needs to be, without mismatching who she THINKS she still is.
We can’t assist our bodies if we are constantly wanting and wishing to be our old selves again and not giving ourselves breathing space to reflect.
We are never the same person again when presented with various traumas and it’s HOW we respond to our changing situations that heralds how we live our lives.
We ARE what we think so if our thoughts about the type of person we are is holding us back, then it’s time to give ourselves some space, some compassion, and maybe some well-deserved tears to embrace all that we’ve learnt about ourselves and others around us and to welcome the new identity which is emerging.